Those of you in the know have heard that I've been shopping religions. I think it all goes back to when I read Life of Pi by Yann Martel. The first quarter of the book talks about the main character as a boy in India getting equally excited about Hinduism, Christianity, and Islam. I realized that I don't know that much about religions outside of Christianity and Judaism. I tried a few "Introducing..." books to get to know some of the basics of Islam and Hinduism. Although Introducing Islam was good, I was still totally lost after reading Introducing Hinudism. I bought a Qur'an to read, but the real thing proved extremely dry and dense - sort of like reading the Bible!
Then I saw Lama Surya Das on The Colbert Report and thought that I should give Buddhism another try. I had dismissed Buddhism because I read some Buddhist books by Chögyam Trungpa and decided that it was just too intense - thoughts like "life is emptiness" and "reaching Nirvana through boredom" turned me off for some reason. I gave Buddhism another try and had a similar experience for different reasons. This time, I read Awakening the Buddha Within : Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World by Lama Surya Das. At first, I was really connecting to the book and finding it incredibly transformative. Eventually, I started getting really down on myself. I started seeing just how far I have to go to resemble anything Buddha-like. I hit a chapter that was talking about not talking about other people when they aren't present - even if it's good! That whole week I noticed just how gossipy I was and not particularly interested in changing. Subsequently, everything I read started feeling like an unattainable goal and more excuses to beat myself up.
I met with a former co-worker, Uma Natarajan, who said that many people (herself being one) consider that there are only three major religious texts in the world: The Bible, The Qur'an, and The Bhagavad Gita (Hinduism). I believe she was making the point that Buddha was raised a Hindu and reached enlightenment in India, so he's really a subset of Hinduism. (I suppose this is the same thinking that middle-eastern terrorists employ when they lump Christianity and Judaism as essentially the same thing. When Uma reads this, I'm sure she'll chastise me for missing the point of what she was saying.) Anyway, I took her larger concept of the Bhagavad Gita as a major religious text, so I put Buddha on hold and started reading it. It's fantastic, but you can only read it a page at a time. It's incredibly dense - like a religious version of desne chocolate cake. You have to savor each bite before you can move on to the next piece.
And somewhere in all this, I went back to reading the Lama Surya Das book. I noticed that my life had changed since reading it and that I shouldn't feel discouraged from feeling so far away from Buddha. For one, I had started being far more communicative, complimentary, and optimistic with other people (not a small feat living in New York City!). I never noticed that I didn't ever look people in the eye before. Now, I say hello, smile, and ask them how their day is - with sincerity. It's incredible to see people in New York perk up just a little bit. The barrier of "Us vs. Them" that most New Yorkers walk around in dissolves. I've become far more tolerant of other people. A lot of my judgement has washed away. My thoughts directed towards myself have been much more encouraging instead of just rants or internal criticisms.
So I guess I'm on a dual path right now - read a little Bhagavad Gita, read a little Lama Surya Das. The real test, I think, will come when looking for a community or sacred place to visit.
